Being Scared

Ever thought about how much three little words can make you so scared? And I don't mean "I'll kill you". I'm talking about telling someone how much you love them. I feel like a wall, a huge invisible brick wall just surrounds your heart and a hand chokes the hell out of your throat not letting you say how you really feel. You can smile and tears form from hearing what you have always wanted to hear coming from someone you care about. You want to say it back so bad but there is something just not allowing you to say it. Kind of like when you want to run faster when a monster is chasing you in your nightmare and the more you want to run the closer it gets to grabbing you. That is exactly how I feel. I can honestly say, I am scared of saying my true feelings. It is struggling to climb over that brick wall and fighting the choke hold my past experience has on my voice. Every fibber in mean is fighting to let my heart fully heal right now because it wants to be whole again. I'm just scared that my heart wont be able to handle another blow like the last. That it will just disintegrate and I won't be able to love again. I want my heart to just be kept safe and whole. I want to say I love you with out being scared.