Another Year...

Hi baby,

I guess, I am missing you again. When I miss you it's not me being sad that I miss you. It's me being sad at the fact that I can't hug you when I'm feeling down because I know in that moment if you were there you would know how to make it better. I miss just knowing that if I had to, I could simply drive 15 minutes to you and know you are there at arms reach. I miss making spontaneous trips with you to the beach or taking you to a pre screening with me and showing you how much film makes me happy and just sharing that part of me with you. I miss going home to you and cooking with you. I miss not having to share what little time I have with you in one day with others. I miss sleeping next to you. I miss planning how I am going to get you to go to the gym with me. I miss YOU.

I miss you because you are not just the person I am in love with, you're my best friend. Yeah Morgan may be one of my best friends but you are the one who knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel like I am meant to be on this earth for some grand purpose. If that purpose was to love you than I would die happy simply knowing that.

I know you have to do what you have to do, for you and I won't recent it or you. I will always support you even if it makes me miss you. Missing you means I really truly love you babe. You said everyone reacts differently, well this is my way of showing you I care for you. I get 8 hours to try and do everything I would want to do with you in 1 week let alone everyday. Just when I start to feel hopeful and forget how miserable I am every day at home with out you, I suddenly realize that I have to say bye to you and the little bit of peace I have and know I will have to repeat the same routine with out an expiration date and more of a sold by date. It would not be a good sign if I stopped missing you baby.

You have to do this I know, and I want you to be successful and happy and follow your dreams...just wish I could be there with you. Be that girlfriend, who drops by to give her boyfriend some coffee in the morning out of the blue, or that girlfriend who after a long day at work will make it better by making your favorite for dinner along with your beer. And then I'd say bye and I would know for a fact that most likely I am going to see you the next day because I know I am near by and if you needed a night with the guys or your family then I could be at peace because I still know you are near me.

I have this inner struggle every time I have a day with you. One side wants to be selfish and just wants to beg you to just spend every single second with me...the other side thinks reasonably and knows that I am not the only person who exists in your life. I know I am not number 1 in your life and I wouldn't want to ever assume I am ...just simply wish I could have you around more often.
I know that won't happen any time soon, but just know that me missing you is not why I am sad, it's the reason I miss you that makes me sad, because I know we don't do them anymore.